They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
