I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
