Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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