tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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