they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
