Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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