You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
