all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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