Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.

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(914): View more from New York

Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter

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(901): View more from Tennessee

can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?

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(813): View more from Florida

Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

(1-813): View more from Florida

I ordered a moonbounce.

(813): View more from Florida

Fuck, you win.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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(361): View more from Texas

Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day

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