your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
