I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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