I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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