Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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