I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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