3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
