It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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