You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
