so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
