Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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