Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
