Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
