last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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