Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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