The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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