Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
