No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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