I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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