I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
