When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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