i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
