Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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