She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
