So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
