you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
