He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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