Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
