I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
