i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
