I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
