I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
