You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
