Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
