I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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