Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
