I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize