im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
