It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
