i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
