whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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