I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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