I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
