I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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