Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
