I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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