Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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