I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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