jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize