I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
