Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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