You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
