Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
