I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
