Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
