just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
