Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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