we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
