Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize