$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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