a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think my moral compass just broke
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