Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
