I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
