please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
