I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
