i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
