Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
