I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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