So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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