8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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