I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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