Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
