i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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