you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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