Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
