I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
