I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
