I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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