Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
