this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
