Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
