well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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