I skipped work to stalk him.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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