last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
