I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We got so high we made milksteak
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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