Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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